Link the Homicidal Maniac
by The Stupendous Jimbo
Summary: A killer is running around the overused Smash Mansion killing people...Hence why he's known as a "killer"...And it's up to a handful of oblivious smashers to find out who it is and bring him to justice. GO LITTLE FREEDOM FIGHTERS GO!
1. Murdering for Dummies

Author: This story was never finished, and I felt horrible that I never finished it, especially seeing as it only had one chapter left. Well this time I will finish this story.

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Nintendo and I do not own any of their stuff. Deal it with…

**Link the Homicidal Maniac**

**Chapter 1: Murdering for Dummies**

The icy wind blew across the cheeks of Lucario as he sat in his chair reading _Getting Murdered for Dummies_. It had been an unusually dull day, and he thought he'd relax by reading a few books. Right next to his current book was _Get out of here, you're about to die_ and _Run you idiot, the murderer is about to kill you!_ However, he enjoyed reading as opposed to fighting, but it didn't help that he sometimes felt like he was a sitting duck, or an easy target of some sort.

The thought never occurred to him that being the perfect target would affect him somehow, but he began to ponder on it as soon as he reached chapter four, which was coincidentally titled _Dieing for the unexpected reader._ "Hmm…" He muttered in a posh tone, "It's as if these crazy titles have a meaning of some sort…Eh, perhaps it's in chapter six, titled 'You Think Nothing's Gonna Happen, But You're Wrong.'"

He decided to not think too much on it. Besides, he wondered, who would be up and about at this time of night? Coincidentally, he reached chapter eight, titled _Listen to your instincts and get out now!_

Lucario had not noticed the closet door opening, nor did he bother to turn at the sound of the squeaking hinges. He turned the page to chapter nine, titled _He's In the Closet You Dumb Ass!_ A figure lurched out of the closet and silently hovered across the room until he was inches away from Lucario. The lupin had turned to chapter ten, titled _Turn Around You Fool!_

The figure silently reached into its dark trench coat and pulled out a gleaming metal knife. The knife glimmered in the moonlight, and slowly rose, anxious to taste the blood of an incompetent fool.

"Eh, gotta pee." Lucario swiftly stood up and unexpectedly kicked his chair back, unknowingly tripping the dark figure. He stepped over the figure without a train of any thought, and walked off out of his room.

The figure groaned and looked over to see his book fell out of his coat, which was ironically titled _Murdering for Dummies_. He picked it up, slipped it back into his coat, and stood up to wipe the dust off of him. He then crossed his arms and patted his foot, flaunting his impatience.

Just as his patience began to thin, Lucario walked back into the room, sighing in relief. Upon noticing the figure, he jumped.

"Who, who the hell are you?" Lucario screamed. The murderer pulled out a knife. "Oh, you must be the new cook." He let out another sigh of relief and walked past him to get back to his book. The figure looked dumbfounded, and slightly shocked at what was being presented to him. He shrugged and followed Lucario to his table.

Lucario turned to chapter eleven, which was titled _That's Not the New Cook; That's the Murderer_. He stared at the page in awe, than turned to the figure, whom once again had his arms crossed as if he was growing impatient yet again. He turned back to the page and back to the figure before screaming "Oh my God, you're here to murder me!"

The figure slapped its forehead before pulling his knife out again.

"Oh my God what do I do?" Lucario screamed yet again. He turned the page of his book to chapter twelve, titled _Run You Retard!_

But it was too late; the figure buried his knife deep into Lucario's heart. The lupin cried out even more until he collapsed onto the floor. Feeling satisfied, the murderer wiped his blade clean and began to walk out of the room, but not before tripping over Lucario's body.

"Son of a-"

The next morning, Yoshi had been skipping down the halls towards Lucario's room. "Oh man I can't wait to see Lucario!" he cried out in joy. "Me and him are gonna play outside and do all sorts of activities that will endure our health!"

He continued to skip down the hall, not noticing Snake cleaning red stains off of his knife. "Oh I hope Lucario's alright, because if he's not, I'd be so sad! If I walked in and found him murdered, I'd be so shocked and horrified. God I hope nothing happened to him." He appeared at the foot of Lucario's bedroom door. "Hey Lucario, it's me, Yoshi, I'm respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your friend I'm coming in anyways!"

He forcefully opened the door and noticed Lucario in a bloody mess. "Hey Lucario, wake up!" The lupine didn't move. "Hey buddy, seriously, you gotta get up, and clean that mess up before it gets everywhere!" Yoshi growled in annoyance and ran out of the door until he found Link.

"Link, Lucario won't get up, can you wake him up?" Yoshi asked.

"Sure thing, buddy." Link walked over to the room and opened it, only to gasp at the sight. "Oh my God!"

"What's wrong?" Yoshi asked.

"Quick, get Doctor Mario!" Link screamed as he ran over to Lucario, who was still lying in the bloody mess. "Oh God this is horrible!"

Yoshi and Doctor Mario quickly rushed into the room. "What's with all the commotion?" Doctor Mario screamed. He looked at Lucario. "Oh look," he pointed, "a dead body."

"Doctor!" Link screamed.

"What? It's not like somebody's dieing or anything." The doctor shrugged. Link furiously pointed at the dead Lupine. "Relax, he's already dead."

"What do you mean relax? There's a dead body on the floor!" Link screamed.

"Oh my God lucario's dead!" Yoshi screamed as he ran out of the room. Link buried his head into his hands as the doctor shrugged and took out a bowl of French fries he had apparently been eating.

"So what do you suppose we do?" Link asked.

"I runro," Doctor Mario spoke between fries, "Rut this needs retchup." He moderately bent down and dipped his fries in Lucario's blood.

"Ugh!" Link nearly threw up. "That's disgusting!"

"Well I'm hungry!" The doctor said in his defense, "I don't see ketchup anywhere, what do you expect me to do?"

"Ugh, forget it." Link shook his head in disgust.

The two walked out of the room, and into the halls, while ignoring the screaming dinosaur. They made it to the breakfast table where everybody had been enjoying their breakfast.

"Attention everybody!" Doctor Mario stood on the table, and walked down to the middle. He gave no remorse for the food he was squashing. "I have an announcement to make!"

Everybody stopped eating to look up.

"I'm afraid our beloved Lucario has been murdered."

Everybody spat out their food and screamed.

"Now that I got that out of the way, who wants cookies?"

Author: Chapter one of my murder mystery. Who done it? Who knows? I hope you enjoyed reading. Until next time!

- JIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


	2. Go KKK Rider

Author: Chapter two of my murder mystery story. I hope you guys enjoy it.

**Chapter 2: Go K.K.K Rider!**

"Oh my God, who could have done such a thing?" Peach asked in horror. "I mean who could have hated Lucario so much that they'd want to kill him?"

Captain Falcon sneered at Peach, "Why do you always have to do this?"

"What do you mean?" Peach asked.

"Dear God every time somebody dies in one of those stories, somebody ALWAYS asks 'who could have done such a thing', well if we knew, we would have told you. So shut up you stupid blonde!" Falcon nearly screamed. Tears swelled up in Peach's eyes, and she soon ran off crying. "Jeez what a whiney little baby!"

Everybody went silent. Zelda gave an angry glare at Captain Falcon.

"You don't have to be such an ass to her, you know." Zelda said.

"Yes I do, everybody knows that nobody likes her." Falcon responded.

Everybody shrugged and nodded in agreement. It was then that Snake entered the room. "Hey guys, do you know where I can find a mop?"

"Why do you need a mop?" Wolf asked.

"Erm…Gotta clean up a mess…Of some sorts…Yeah…" Snake stuttered.

"Oh, well of course," Doctor Mario smiled, "Usually I'd be suspicious of your stuttering, but if it's for a mess, the mop is in the utilities closet."

"Thanks!"

"Oh, and if you want, I'd suggest the Alkaline solutions, for it's so good, you can so much as kill a man and you wouldn't leave a trace."

"Hmm…I could use some of that, thanks!" Snake smiled and left the room.

"Now where were we?" Doctor Mario asked, "Oh yeah, now like I had said previously, somebody had murdered Lucario, and we must find out who did it, and why."

"Umm doctor, wouldn't you find that Snake asking for a mop is kind of well…Suspicious?" Wolf asked.

"What do you mean; he had a mess to clean up." The doctor argued.

"Well when Snake usually makes a mess, he usually ends up blowing it up." Wolf stated.

"Well perhaps he realized that blowing his mess up only makes a bigger mess."

"Yeah, he does, and he blows the bigger mess up too!"

"You guys are just paranoid." Doctor Mario finally concluded.

Snake came into the room with the mop and chemicals and went down the hallway.

"He just went down the hallway leading to Lucario's room!" Wolf began to scream.

"Just a mere coincidence, how do you know he's not going to his room?" Doctor Mario asked.

"Because his room is in the opposite direction, and that hallways only leads to Lucario's room."

"Well perhaps he wanted to clean up the brick wall at the end?" Ike suggested.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to clean it," Captain Falcon mumbled, "Maybe he's doing me a favor."

"Aww how sweet of him!" Zelda exclaimed.

Wolf was in utter disbelief, but before he could protest, Doctor Mario began to speak.

"Alright guys, if Lucario was murdered, then this guy will most likely kill again." Doctor Mario announced.

"We must find a way to fight back!" Zelda shouted.

"How about we form an investigation team?" Ike suggested.

"Nah, overused way too much," Doctor Mario said.

"Oh I know an investigation group!" Wolf suggested.

"Too original."

"Hmm," Captain Falcon thought of one, "How about an investigation clan?"

"Hmm…." Doctor Mario rubbed his chin, "Well we are white…I like it!"

"Yeah!" Zelda shouted, "And we need to find a way to show that we oppose this maniac!"

"But how?" Asked Ike.

"Well most likely the killer is going to wear a black cloak." Wolf stated.

"Then we oppose him by wearing all white!" Doctor Mario suggested. The smashers cheered, showing their affirmation.

It was settled, Zelda began to cut the sheets, while Captain Falcon created hats. Soon the five smashers were dressed completely in white.

"Alright, now that we created our investigation clan, let us go out and investigate!" Doctor Mario said. Before he made it out of the room, Captain Falcon shouted "wait!"

"What's wrong?" Ike asked.

"You promised us all a cookie! Where's our cookie?" Captain Falcon growled. Everybody nodded and glared at Doctor Mario. Before he could do anything, a riot was formed, and soon the four smashers were holding up a wooden cross. "Burn him on this cross we randomly found!"

They advanced.

"Wait you guys!" Doctor Mario shouted. "I'll give you all a cookie when this is all over. I promise!"

"I want chocolate chip!" Zelda shouted.

"Deal."

The mob settled down.

"Hey wait guys, to show our rebellion against this evil killer, we have to have a symbol." Ike said. "I'll be right back."

Ike gave the burning cross to Captain Falcon and Peach. Doctor Mario stepped up to speak again.

"Alright guys, let's go and get that wicket maniac!"

Before anyone could move, Mr. Game and Watch waltzed in the room.

"Hey guys, what's uh…uhh…umm….oh….dear…God…" Mr. Game and Watch nearly fainted. He began to shutter in fear, almost to the point of being paralyzed. Just then, Ike ran back into the room holding a rebel flag.

"Alright guys, this rebel flag here will show that we are not going to stand for this injustice!" Ike announced. He then noticed the pale Mr. Game and Watch. "Oh, hey, what's up?"

Mr. Game and Watch slowly took a step back.

"Hey are you alright?" Captain Falcon asked.

The 8-bit figure took another step back.

"Dude, what's the matter with you?" Ike asked.

He fainted.

"Sheesh, what a drama queen." Zelda sneered.

"Umm hey guys," Peach started, "Does this cloak make me look fat?"

"EVERYTHING MAKES YOU LOOK FAT YOU FAT BITCH!" Captain Falcon screamed. Peach burst into tears and ran off crying. "Damn and I thought Mr. Game and Watch was a drama queen."

"Alright guys, let's go investigate Lucario's room." Doctor Mario said, "Oh, and Falcon, put that cross out, you'll set the whole mansion ablaze if you trip."

Captain Falcon reluctantly complied. The rest of the group walked down the halls to Lucario's room. Upon opening the door, they noticed his body was completely wiped clean.

"Oh no!" Doctor Mario said, "Somebody already cleaned his body!"

"Hmm, I wonder who it could have been." Ike said as he rubbed his chin.

"Don't you guys remember? Snake had a mop and was going into Lucario's room!" Wolf started, "he must have cleaned the body so nobody would know it was him!"

"Again, you must be overreacting." Doctor Mario said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm a doctor, and I can find out how he died."

"But didn't you and Link already examine the body?" Zelda asked.

"Yes, but how do you know the cause of death didn't change?" Doctor Mario asked. "You have to be careful with these things, they can get tricky."

"Oh for the love of…" Wolf slapped his head in shame.

"Well with all the holes, it's obvious that he was stabbed. And from the smell of things, the guy forgot to bathe." Doctor Mario concluded. "So who here forgot to shower last night?"

"Hmm…Only one person here could stink…" Ike said, "It must have been none other than Mr. Game and Watch!"

"Why is that?" Wolf asked.

"Cause he's black…Duh…"

"Alright, it's official," Doctor Mario raised a fist in the air, "We must purge the mansion of this evil affliction that affects us all!"

"Oh goody!" Captain Falcon got excited, "after that, can we go after Ganondorf next?"

"Why?"

"He stole my job."

"Umm guys?" Wolf raised his hand, "Does anybody ever wander if our non-bipartisan ethnic dismissal through bigoted slander will afflict us in any way?"

"Hey, this has nothing to do with racism!" Captain Falcon said. "That bastard stole my job, my bike, and my car! Not to mention he barely speaks English."

"Yeah besides, I'm not racist; I have a colored T.V" Ike boasted.

Everybody nodded in agreement until Doctor Mario stepped out. "Alright, enough of this! We must confront Mr. Game and Watch again! Captain Falcon!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Light the cross on fire again!"

"Yes, sir!"

The investigation clan ran out of Lucario's room and ran down the halls to Mr. Game and Watch. Upon noticing the clan chasing him, he took off running as fast as he could. After chasing him vigorously, there was a loud gun shot coming from the other room. The clan stopped and headed to the room from whence the shot came from.

"Oh my God!" Doctor Mario screamed. "Ganondorf is dead!"

"But how did this happen?" Ike asked.

"Didn't you hear it?" Wolf asked, "He was shot!"

"This is horrible." Zelda said as she covered her mouth.

Ganondorf was laying on the ground dead with his middle finger in the air, and full of holes.

"Damn!" Captain Falcon said, "With all of those bullet wounds, the guy must have only had time to shoot him a few times then run. He must have been in a hurry."

"Are you kidding, there are hundreds of small holes in him and a slightly bigger one across his forehead!" Wolf pointed out. "I'm pretty sure the killer has been shooting him for quite a while."

"So how did this happen?" Ike asked again.

Doctor Mario gave an insidious look while rubbing his chin, "Well it's obvious, the guy saw him, unloaded a whole clip on him, and then pulled out a 9. mil to delivered the final 'fuck you' round." The doctor said.

"I saw the whole thing!" Link ran in the room looking pale. "I walked in and saw a figure in a dark cloak shooting Ganondorf."

"Didn't you do anything?" Zelda asked.

"Yeah, I figured that was the best time to tell Ganondorf I stole his girlfriend, Samus." Link replied.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Wolf screamed.

"And how did Ganondorf react?" Ike asked.

"Would you believe it, the bastard flipped me off! I was so angry I didn't want to help him." Link growled, "After the cloaked figure pulled out a revolver and shot him in the forehead, he took off running!"

"So it was a hit and run." Captain Falcon rubbed his chin…Predominantly! "This is definitely the work of Mr. Game and Watch."

Author: I know, I know, you're about to flame me for being racist, but I'm going tot ell you right now, no, promise you that I'm not racist nor do I tolerate any bigotry in any form. If you still feel the need to flame me because you honestly believe I'm a bigot who discriminates, then by all means be my guest. But just know that I WILL NOT tolerate any hate talk what-so-ever. If you make any discriminating comments what so ever in my review board I will block you. That's it. Otherwise, I hope you enjoyed. Until next time!

- JIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


	3. Wait, did he just flip me off?

Author: I was told to update fast...So I did...

**Chapter 3: Wait, Did He Just Flip Me Off?**

"Okay guys, seriously, you can't convict Mr. Game and Watch for a crime you aren't too sure he committed." Wolf tried to explain to the investigation clan. "All you have is evidence based off of racism."

"But I'm positive it's him," Captain Falcon protested, "And I have evidence right here."

"May I see it?" Wolf held his hand out. Captain Falcon dug into his pocket and pulled out a piece of taffy and placed it in his hands. Wolf gave a look of disgust. "Ugh!" He stuck his tongue out. "What the hell is that?"

"Taffy, what does it look like?" Captain Falcon said.

"And what does taffy have to do with anything?"

"Duh, everybody knows black people eat taffy." Captain Falcon smiled. Wolf buried his head into his arms in shame. "What's wrong?"

"How the hell did I end up in a situation like this?" He screamed. He proceeded to bang his head into the wall a few times. Doctor Mario pointed at Wolf.

"Hey cut that out or you'll get a stomach ache!" He ordered. Wolf turned his head to glare at the doctor, and then went back to his business which consisted of beating himself to a bloody pulp.

"How did you do it?" Wolf muttered.

"Do what?" Doctor Mario asked.

"How did you manage to become a doctor?" Wolf asked.

"Oh well it all started last Thursday at least a hundred years ago…" Doctor Mario went into his flash back.

_The Tetris grid like structure glared down at the doctor as viruses appeared on the screen. Like a game of Tetris, blocks of antibiotics slid down the screen in hopes of destroying the viruses (think of it as a game of "Doctor Mario"). More and more blocks came down and eventually it was game over._

_Doctor Mario gave a horrified look at the foaming Luigi. "No! I lost him! How could this have happened?"_

"_Of course it happened," Nurse Peach sneered, "He only had a freaking cold and you shoved so many antibiotics down his throat you overdosed the living hell out of him. No wander he's foaming."_

Wolf glared at Doctor Mario. "THAT'S NOT A STORY!" He screamed.

"Guys calm down or we'll never find out who the murderer is!" Peach shouted.

"SHUT UP PEACH!" Captain Falcon screamed. He raised his fist and smashed it into her face. Blood began to pour out other nose like a faucet as Captain Falcon planted another square in her right eye, which caused a welt the size of a bowling ball to appear. "NOBODY LIKES YOU!" He screamed as he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her down. He proceeded into violently kicking her until she went unconscious. While Wolf was horrified, Ike began to smile.

"You know," Ike snickered, "Every chapter you seem to get more and more violent with her." Ike began to laugh. The rest of the clan began to notice and they started laughing too.

"Haha yeah," Captain Falcon laughed, "Pretty soon I'll rape her and cut her head off."

The whole clan burst into tears. It was as if they had never heard anyone be so funny in their lives.

"Heh, yeah," Zelda said, "Nobody likes her."

The laughter soon subsided.

"But seriously," Wolf said, "How can you guys convict someone based off of stereotypes?"

"Look Wolf, you really need to not be so-

There was a loud screech coming from the room next to them. Everybody stopped and ran to the room only to find Pikachu pinned to the wall. Pit was in the corner pointing a shaky finger

"What's wrong?" Doctor Mario asked Pit.

"Murder!" Pit screamed.

"Who?" Doctor Mario asked.

Pit pointed to the dead corpse of Fox. Everybody gasped.

"And look!" Ike pointed to the wall. "The murderer left a message!"

Everybody looked at the wall at the curious symbol the murderer left.

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,., ,.. /´ /)

.,.,.,.,.,., ,.,./.,../

.,.,.,.,.,., ../¯ ../

.,.,.,.,.,., ./.,. ./ /

.,.,.,.../´¯/' ...'/´¯•¸

.,.,.,./'/.,./.,. ./.,. .,./¨¯\

...('(...´(... .,.,.,. /'.,.')

.,.,.,\.,.,.,.,., .,.,. ..\/.,./

.,.,.,.''...\... .,.,. . .•´

.,.,.,.,.\.,.,. .,.,. ..(

.,.,.,.,.,\.,.,. .,.,. ...\

"But what is this supposed to mean?" Zelda asked.

Wolf buried his head into his hands again as Doctor Mario stepped forward. "Hmm," He said, "It seems the murderer means business." Everybody began to think except Wolf, who finally seemed to have given up.

Snake walked into the room. "Alright, what's with all the commotion…" He looked at the symbol on the wall and snickered. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"I'm not sure anymore." Wolf said as he slowly shook his head.

"So you find out who the murderer is?" Snake asked.

"We haven't even examined the body." Doctor Mario took a closer look at Fox. He seemed different to them. If they didn't know any better, they'd believe him to be a little blue. "Hmm, somebody must have killed him and put blue spray paint on him."

"You dumbasses, he was strangled!" Wolf screamed.

"Hmm Wolf, you seem positive about this." Doctor Mario said. "A little…Too positive…"

"And?"

"Don't you think it's strange that he seems to always know what we're doing wrong?" Doctor Mario asked. "Or how he seems to know how the victim was killed?"

"It's called common sense!" Wolf screamed.

"Why not ask Snake what he thinks?" Doctor Mario looked at Snake, who was busy placing Fox in a body bag. "What do you think?"

"Umm…" He stuttered, "I umm…Agree?"

"A-HA!" Doctor Mario pointed at Wolf. "HE AGREES!"

"Good job, you took advice from someone who's cleaning up the body." Wolf muttered. "I've been with you guys the whole time, how can I be the killer?"

"You may not be the killer, but you could always be the Murderer." Doctor Mario said.

"Wait a second," Falcon started, "If he's the murderer, but we don't know who the killer is, then that means there must be two of them."

Ike ran up to Wolf and grabbed him by the collar. "Alright, murderer, speak! Who's your accomplish!"

Zelda scratched the back of her head. "Don't you mean accomplice?"

Wolf began to scream "YOU DUMBASSES!" Ike quickly released him. "I AM NOT THE MURDERER OR THE KILLER!"

"Than who is it?" Asked Zelda.

"I don't know," Wolf growled, "But we have to keep focusing."

Snake stepped forward, "Umm guys, I'm going to take this err…Bag of vegetables…Umm yeah…To the incineration center- err, I mean...Umm…Kitchen to uhh….Cook?" Snake gave a bright innocent smile as he picked up the body bag."

"Alright, see-ya!" Doctor Mario waved Snake off. "You know, maybe if you would act as innocent as Snake, you wouldn't be accused of murder." Doctor Mario proceeded in folding his arms while Wolf buried his head in his arms once again. "You know, you seem to do that a lot…Just throwing that out there…"

There was a loud roar and a scream. "You know," Ike started, "The narration seems to be rather poor." Nobody understood why he pointed out the obvious, but the sound of the roars and screams grew louder.

"What was that?" Wolf asked.

"Sounded like a chainsaw." Zelda said.

"Oh that's 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre," Captain Falcon said, "comes on every once and a while…But I do admire the surround sound."

"Guys that seemed a little too real," Wolf said. "I think it's coming from Pit's room."

"But the scream sounded like it came from a girl." Ike said.

"Everybody knows Pit has no balls, come on!" Doctor Mario stated. "Now come! Let's go! Hurry before we're too late!"

Everybody began to take off, but Captain Falcon felt something on his foot. He stopped and checked his right foot to see a piece of taffy stuck on his shoe. "Argh…Damn black people…" He muttered.

The clan ran to Pit's room, where they saw a figure in a dark trench coat wielding a blood stained chainsaw. He took the chainsaw and sawed off Pit's head. After a few more seconds of twitching, the corpse finally ceased movement.

"Oh no," Doctor Mario screamed, "We're too late!"

Suddenly Sonic ran into the room and started running around in circles singing "You're too slo-"

The chainsaw roared once again as the man in the black trench sliced it through the blue hedgehog. After multiple cries of agony, the hedgehog ceased to move. The murderer snickered as he gazed at his bloody work.

Doctor Mario looked around at the others. "Umm guys…Sonic just got murdered…Right before our eyes…" He muttered as he raised his eyebrow.

"Yeah, I know…" Ike replied. "But does anybody really care about Sonic?"

"Not really…" Captain Falcon said as he shook his head.

"Perhaps we should pretend that didn't happen?" Zelda suggested. Everybody in the room nodded their heads and agreed. Wolf turned to the murderer and furiously pointed at him.

"We caught you!" Wolf screamed!

The figured turned around and jumped. He slowly put the chainsaw down and turned around to find a means to escape, after finding none, he decided to consult the book. He reached into his pocket.

"HE'S GONNA PULL A GUN ON US!" Wolf screamed. Everybody jumped down. But to their dismay, the man didn't pull out a gun, instead, he pulled out a small yellow book titled "_Murdering for Dummies_" "What the…" Wolf slowly rose up and examined the book from afar. After he determined there was no danger coming from the book, he jumped all the way up. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"Shh!" The man violently muttered. He reached into his pockets, making Wolf spring again, and pulled out a pair of reading glasses and began to read.

"So you've been taking advice from a book?" Wolf sounded shocked, "hell I didn't even know they had books like those!"

"You'd be surprised what kind of stuff they have." The man said. He dug into his pockets and pulled out a small book to toss to Wolf. Wolf caught it and read the title: _Youtube for Dummies. _"That's just sad…" He muttered.

"Excuse me, but why are you carrying a book like that around in your pocket?" Zelda asked.

"Believe me, you don't want to know." The man said.

"Alright, enough talk, murderer!" Wolf screamed. "Why did you do it? And who are you?"

"How would you know that I'm the murderer?" The man asked.

"First of all, you're wearing black, second of all, you have the chainsaw, and third, we walked in on you." Wolf said. "You're the murderer!"

"Umm…Uhh…no I'm not." The man stuttered.

"Yeah you are."

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am not!"

"Are so!"

"Am not!"

"ENOUGH!" Doctor Mario screamed. "SHUT UP ALREADY!"

The two reluctantly obeyed.

"Now," Doctor Mario growled, "If this man here is not the murderer, who is?"

The man pointed to wolf. "He is!"

"What?" Wolf was astounded. "How the hell-

Before Wolf could continue, the man threw the chainsaw at Wolf, who caught it at the last second. "See," the man continued to point accusingly, "He has the murder weapon!"

Everybody gasped. Wolf let his jaw drop.

"Wolf, how could you!" Zelda screamed.

"How the hell can you guys be this damn stupid?" He screamed.

"He's going to attack us!" The man screamed. "Stop him!"

Before wolf could move, everybody jumped him, fighting tooth and nail to make sure Wolf never moves again. Eventually Wolf was silent for all eternity.

"Finally, the madness has ended." Doctor Mario proclaimed.

"Wait a second," Ike placed his hand on his chin. "Wolf was the murderer correct?"

Everybody nodded.

"But Wolf is dead." Ike said. "We murdered him."

"Wait, if Wolf murdered everybody, and we murdered him, then the murderer was murdered." Captain Falcon stated.

"Then that must mean…" Zelda gasped. "The murderer is still out there!"

"No, worse…" Doctor Mario said. "The murderer must be among us…but who is it?"

The man in the black trench coat slapped his forehead in utter disbelief. "No wander he hated them so much…" He muttered under his breath.

"You!" Doctor Mario pointed to the man. "You seem very profound in the art of finding killers. Will you aid us in our help?"

"Excuse me?" The man was shocked.

"I know it may seem dangerous, but now you seem to be the only one who can help us. Will you lend us your hand?" Doctor Mario asked.

"Umm…Uhh…Sure, why not?"

"Excellent!" Doctor Mario crossed his fingers.

"Hey we never got your name." Captain Falcon said. "What is it?"

The man let out a small snicker. "Just call me Chad…"

Author: The plot thickens…And yes, I did flip you off…Until next time!

- JIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


	4. This Is Why I'm Not An ASCII Artist

Author: Sorry for the late update guys, I just got back into college so I didn't really have much time to go over this thing. Well here's the second to last chapter.

**Chapter 4: The Stupendous Jimbo is not a good ASCII artist**

"So Chad, according to many witnesses, you were there during all of the murders," Doctor Mario said, "So do you have any idea who this guy is?"

Chad seemed like he was holding in his laughter. "I do know that he is among us."

Everybody gasped.

"See," Doctor Mario said, "I knew recruiting this guy was a great idea!"

"Yeah, with his help, we'll be sure to catch this evil bastard!" Ike exclaimed.

The clan all stared at Chad, as if he were holding all the answers.

"Alright, you want to catch the murderer, maybe we should all go to the living room and discuss all the clues we have so far." Chad said.

The rest of the group err…Clan…Went to the living room to discuss the clues they had…As if them talking about It couldn't have been more obvious…Can anybody say "rushed story?"

"Hey wait a second," Captain Falcon seemed to have noticed something, "Where's Snake?"

"Don't know, he's probably cleaning the mansion again," Zelda said, "He disinfects things so many times, it's unbelievable."

"Err just a second; I have to go to the bathroom." The dark coated man said. He ran down the halls and disappeared. After a few seconds, Snake came out of the same hallway.

"Hey guys, what's up?" Snake asked.

"Oh hey Snake, you just missed the weirdest thing," Doctor Mario said, "Right after that mysterious guy Chad left, you just came in. It's as if you two are the same."

"Err…Right…" Snake stuttered. "So umm…How is that murder investigation umm…Going?"

"Oh it's going great; we were just about to go through the clues." Doctor Mario said.

"Oh, so what do you have?" Snake asked.

"Well first, we have to go over the dead people." The doctor replied, "We have Lucario, Ganondorf, Pit, Sonic, Fox, and Wolf."

"Those five people had to have died for a reason." Zelda said.

"I'd cross Wolf off of the list," Snake said, "Since the only reason he died was because he walked in on the murdering, so he had to kill him."

"Wait, how do you know Wolf died?" Doctor Mario asked, "You weren't there."

"Err umm…I'm psychic?" Snake grinned innocently.

Doctor Mario shrugged, "Makes sense…"

Snake sighed in relief.

"Now the murderer has to know how to use a knife, and a gun," Doctor Mario said, "Because Lucario and Fox were obviously knifed, and Ganondorf was shot."

"Well Ganondorf was shot by an AK-47, so the murderer would have to have a vast accessibility to many modern weapons." Ike said, "And don't forget Pit was killed by a chainsaw."

"Wait a second; did anyone see Texas Chainsaw Massacre?" Captain Falcon said.

"Leather Face would be a good suspect, but I don't think he knows much about chainsaws." Zelda explained, "I don't think it's him. Besides, he's not a member of the Super Smash Brothers."

"Then who hear knows how to use modern weaponry?" Ike asked.

Snake began to sweat.

"Hey Snake, why are you sweating?" Captain Falcon asked.

Doctor Mario laughed, "Well, Captain Falcon, it's obviously hot in here."

"Oh…" Capitan Falcon felt stupid.

"Wait, if I recall Fox was strangled!" Ike nearly screamed.

"Then that means the murderer knows martial arts." Doctor Mario explained.

"Then not only does the murderer have knowledge and access to modern weapons, he knows martial arts!" Captain Falcon explained.

Snake began to sweat even more.

"I think it's a coincidence." Doctor Mario said.

Snake sighed in relief, once again.

"Well seeing the victims that were killed, there has to be some connection." Zelda said.

"Of course!" Ike blurted out, "They are all from Nintendo games!"

"And they're in the game Super Smash Bros.!" Captain Falcon blurted out.

"Now we're on the right track." Doctor Mario said.

"Umm yeah, I think I have to go to the bathroom," Snake said. Upon leaving, he dropped a book titled _Murdering for Dummies_.

"Hey Snake, you dropped your book!" Doctor Mario called out. Snake jumped and ran as fast as he could to pick it up.

"Thanks," Snake quickly said before running out of the halls as fast as he could.

"Damn, he must really have to go!" Ike exclaimed.

Chad made his way out of the hallway Snake ran out of. "Umm sorry guys, what'd I miss?"

"We have some clues!" Doctor Mario excitedly explained, "We figured out that the murderer is from a Nintendo game!"

"Wow…" Chad slapped his forehead, "That singles out a huge amount of suspects…"

"I know, right?" Doctor Mario smiled brightly.

Donkey Kong walked into the room. "Hey guys," He called "I'm going to my room, and leaving the door unlocked."

"That's nice," Zelda said.

"Also I'm going to be alone." Donkey Kong said.

"Okay, have fun!" Ike called out.

"Yeah, also if I may, I'd like to mention that there's an unlocked window in my room. I sure do hope nothing happens to me." The giant ape proclaimed. Why, you ask, because I'm tired of the "he said she said" statements.

Donkey Kong left, and Chad began to snicker. "Hey guys," Chad started, "I have to go to the bathroom again."

"Alright have fun." Doctor Mario said. Chad went down the same hallways Donkey went. "Anyways, are there any other clues you guys have noticed?"

"Well, I have noticed something," Captain Falcon said.

"What's that?" Doctor Mario asked.

"Chad wears black."

"And?"

"And Mr. Game and Watch is black."

Zelda raised her hand, "So what's the point?" He asked.

"Well Chad is obviously not the murderer," Captain Falcon said, "So that leaves Mr. Game and Watch."

"Hmm…You got a point…" Doctor Mario began to rub his chin.

Chad returned to the living room drenched in blood. "Hey guys," He said as he waved. Upon waving, a few drops of blood fell on Zelda's face. She pretended to not notice. "What'd I miss?"

"We're starting to get a connection," Doctor Mario said, "It appears that Mr. Game and Watch is black."

"So what does that mean?" Chad asked.

"All the victims that died are white." Doctor Mario explained.

"But what about Ganondorf, he's brown." Ike said.

"And so it Donkey Kong…" Captain Falcon said.

"Wait a second…then that means…"Doctor Mario gasped, "Oh my God! Donkey Kong's in trouble!"

The clan instantly jumped up and ran to Donkey Kong's room, but it was too late. Donkey Kong was dead. From the looks of things, he was stabbed. Above his corpse was a sign:

# # # #- - - - - -# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

# # # #- - - - - -# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

# # # #- - - - - -# # # #- - - - - - - - - - - -

# # # #- - - - - -# # # #- - - - - - - - - - - -

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

- - - - - - - - - -# # # #- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -# # # #

- - - - - - - - - -# # # #- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -# # # #

# # # # # # # # # # # # - - - - - - - - - - - - - - # # # #

# # # # # # # # # # # #- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -# # # #

"What is this, some kind of joke?" Captain Falcon asked in disgust, "Seriously, first the middle finger, and now this!"

"No, there's a meaning behind this…Some sort of encrypted code…" Doctor Mario began to rub his chin. "Wait, I got it!"

"What?" Ike asked.

"If you take a mirror to it, it resembles the peace sign!" Doctor Mario exclaimed, "This murderer obviously thinks he's doing this for peace!"

"He fights for peace?" Zelda gave a look of disgust, "That's horrible! How does killing people bring peace?"

"Maybe the murderer doesn't like killing," Doctor Mario said, "Perhaps he wants to make peace, and stop the killing."

"But some people obviously have to die…" Ike said, "That's probably what he thinks."

"All we need is one more clue!" Doctor Mario said, "I think I know who it is, but I just need one more clue!"

"But where can we find another clue?" Zelda asked.

"We have to wait for the murderer to kill again." Doctor Mario said.

While the conversation was happening, Chad just stood there in disbelief. _There's no way anybody could be this stupid…No wander Wolf wanted to kill them,_ He thought. "May I be excused?" He asked.

Doctor Mario raised a suspicious eyebrow. "What for?"

"Uhh…"

He glared at Chad with a twisted look upon his face. "You aren't planning anything…Are you?"

"Umm…" The black cloak figured tried to think, but only one word escaped him. "Uhh…Bathroom?"

The doctor's expression changed to a look of relief. "Oh, why didn't you say so?" With that, Chad made his way down the halls once again. "You know, he is such a great guy, and not even the least bit suspicious."

Peach agreed, "Yeah thank God the murderer acts nothing like him, otherwise we'd be clueless."

Captain Falcon's face swelled up and turned red. He then shot a glare at Peach. "Okay that's it!"

He furiously grabbed Peach and yanked her closer to him. He then slammed his face into her nose, ignoring the blood that splattered all over him. The girl screamed and fell on the floor. "I'm shutting you up once and for all!" He started stomping on her face repeatedly until she went unconscious. "Sorry about that."

"Oh it's cool; I mean it's only Peach." Ike replied. Everybody took a moment to laugh at the bloody unconscious corpse.

"Anyways, do you think this murderer is aware of these clues?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Possibly, perhaps he wants to be caught." Doctor Mario explained, "Perhaps he can't stop killing for a reason."

"That's sad, I pity him." Zelda said as she bowed his head.

"Don't worry, we'll catch him." Ike said as he patted Zelda on the shoulder. The two embraced each other.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!" Captain Falcon screamed.

"What?" Ike asked.

"If you two kiss then this story will be ruined!" Captain Falcon explained "This is humorous, not romantic!"

"Not to mention some people will complain if they don't like the pairing," Doctor Mario said, "its best not to make one."

"Stupid whiney little brats…" Ike muttered.

"Don't worry, after the story," Zelda winked and gave him a devious smile.

"Great," Captain Falcon murmured, "Now the story will get flamed because Zelda has been portrayed as a slut…"

Chad walked back into the room drenched in even more blood. "Hey guys, Bowser's dead," he said ever so casually.

The rest looked at Doctor Mario.

"It seems I was right, he wants to be caught." He muttered, "Let's go!"

Everybody ran to Bowser's room, where his dead corpse had been hanging upside down.

"Hey somebody better tell Bowser to stand correctly, otherwise he'll get a huge headache." Ike whispered to Captain Falcon. The racer glared at him and slapped him.

"Look!" Zelda pointed at the wall, "Another sign!"

- - - - O- - - - - - - - - O - - - -

- - O- - - - - - - - - - - - - O - - - -

-O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - O - - -

- - O- - - - - - - - - - - - -O - - - -

- - - -O- - - - - - - - - O - - - -

- - - -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO\ \

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -\ \

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - / /

- - - -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO/ /

- - - - O- - - - - - - - - O - - - -

- - O- - - - - - - - - - - - - O - - - -

-O- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - O - - -

- - O- - - - - - - - - - - - -O - - - -

- - - -O- - - - - - - - - O - - - -

Captain Falcon slapped his head, "Oh that is just nasty."

"You do realize this is going to get so major flames, right?" Ike asked.

"Okay, I can imagine a couple of readers exiting out of the story and swearing never to read any of this author's fics ever again…" Zelda muttered. "Not to mention now the ratings have to go up big time."

"Why?" Doctor Mario asked.

"Are you blind?" Captain Falcon pointed to the wall, "Look at it!"

"It's a hammer, so what?" Doctor Mario said.

"A what?" Ike screamed.

"A hammer, see?" Doctor Mario pointed to the left of the picture, "There's the two heads of the weapon, and to the right is the wood. At the end is a spike for impaling your enemies by thrusting."

"Impaling your enemies by thrusting…Right…" Chad said.

The other three looked at the picture closely again. "Oh…" Captain Falcon muttered, "I see…"

The other two simultaneously said "Ohhhhhhhh" and nodded.

"And you thought the author actually crossed the line." Doctor Mario chuckled. The others chuckled in agreement.

"Yeah, I bet a lot of people are laughing right now." Captain Falcon said with a bright smile.

* * *

"Okay that's it," screamed the angry reader as he gritted his teeth, "He's crossed the line! First he makes racist jokes, then he insults everybody and calls them lousy writers, and then he flips everybody off! And now he's drawing inappropriate pictures on the site!"

The reader stood up in anger. "I'm calling the admins and I'm going to demand he be removed this instant!"

Little did the angry reader know, his actions would be quite futile…Sad, isn't it?

* * *

"So what does this hammer supposedly represent?" Ike asked.

"I'm not sure…Wait!" Doctor Mario's eyes opened wide. It seemed as if he had an epiphany of some sort.

"What?" Captain Falcon screamed.

Doctor Mario turned to stare at everybody who was watching him. His hands were trembling; he was excited; he drew in a deep breath to make his announcement. "I know who the murderer is!"

Author: Okay, I seriously crossed the line. I mean I know I stay on the edge and go a little out there every once in a while, but this time, I seriously crossed the line. I am so sorry about that.

Also, I know some of you people like to-

"So who's the murderer?" Ike asked.

"IKE!" Doctor Mario screamed.

"What?" Ike raised his eye brow.

"How could you!" Doctor Mario screamed.

"What'd I do?" He asked.

"You interrupted the Author's speech!" Doctor Mario screamed.

"But I want to know who the murderer is!" Ike whined.

Doctor Mario turned to the author, "Listen, I'm terribly sorry about this."

Author: It's cool.

"Please, continue with your speech."

Author: thank you. Ahem, as I was saying, if you're one of those who like to read but haven't reviewed (I know you're out there, I can see who's been reading!), please take a guess at who did it. This is the part where you add up all of the clues and guess who the murderer is. I promise you it'll be a real shocker. But if you add up the clues, then you'll probably guess who it is. And who knows, the answer is probably right in front of you and you don't know it yet.

"I still want to know who the murderer is!" Ike whined.

"GOD DAMN IT IKE!" Doctor Mario screamed.

Author: Okay, seriously, tie him up and gag him or something, this is getting out of hand.

"When will you tell me who it is?" Ike asked.

"Next chapter!" Doctor Mario screamed.

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

Ike ran around in circles in excitement.

Author: Can I finish now?

"Yes." Doctor Mario said.

Author: Alright, well as I was saying, this is the time to guess who the murderer is. Thank you for reading everybody! Until next time!

- JIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


	5. Betcha Didn't See THIS Coming

Author: And now the stunning conclusions to "Link the Homicidal Maniac"

**Chapter 5: Betcha never saw THIS coming.**

Everybody gave Doctor Mario the longest stare as they anxiously awaited his speech. The doctor stared at the others and began to speak. "I know who the murderer is…" He said, in a very dramatic tone.

"You just said that," Captain Falcon shouted. He suddenly grew angry out of nowhere due to lack of plot. Desperately searching for a play to release his anger, he decided to abuse Peach for no reason what so ever. He raised his fist and slammed it in her face.

Zelda gasped at the racer. "FALCON! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"Well the Doctor is repeating what he just said in the last chapter," the racer protested as he slammed his foot in Peach's rib cage.

"Well come on, when was the last time this story was updated," asked the confused Wolf.

Doctor Mario glared. "Wolf's already dead you retard!"

Oh yeah…

Chad let out a small sigh. "Jeez, here we go again with the author inserts…"

"Hey it's not an insert until I actually give myself lines," The Stupendous Jimbo said in complete ignorance…Aww nuts….

"Yeah, see what we mean?" Doctor Mario flung his arms in the air as he started pacing the room. "And Captain, the reason I'm repeating myself is because this story hasn't updated for quite some time, just like Wolf said."

Zelda gripped her chin. "But I thought Wolf was dead."

"He is…"

"But he just pointed out the last update. How could he have done that if he was dead?"

Everyone except Chad began to ponder the situation until Ike jumped up and started shrieking. "GHOST! WOLF'S A GHOST!"

Zelda began screaming as the doctor and the racer started running around. Chad flung his hands on his forehead.

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! WOLF'S GHOST HAS COME BACK TO HAUNT US BECAUSE WE KILLED HIM!" Zelda's shrieks got louder.

Chad, deciding there was no point in arguing with them, decided to pull out his _Murdering for Dummies_ book to catch up on some light reading. Upon realizing the situation, Doctor Mario had an idea. "Hey wait," he cried out, "Let's ask the ghost of Wolf if he knows who the murderer is!"

The other four stopped freaking out and started thinking about it.

"Are you sure it's a good idea," Captain Falcon asked.

"Positive!" The doctor gave them a thumbs up.

"And how do we do that?" Zelda asked.

"Simple," Doctor Mario grinned. But little did the doctor know, there never was a ghost of Wolf. It was only a minute mistake on my end, and the only way there could be a ghost of Wolf is if I were to…Wait a second….Oh hell no!

"Oh come on, please?"

No! If I were to do that then I'd be breaking the rules!

"Really…"

There is a definitive structure of rules implied towards though who have no structure what so ever! The rules were crafted for the unlawful and If I were to bring up a ghost of Wolf I'd be crossing the LINE! Not to mention-

"You break the rules in every damn story you write…"

SHUT UP!

"See? You're doing it again." Doctor Mario crossed his arms as he began to enjoy his victory. Captain Falcon couldn't help but laugh…Or should I say "Capitan Falcon"?

"What's that supposed to mean?" The racer asked.

The racer than looked back at Chapter four and noticed the typo I made. "Aww nuts," the racer said as he snapped his fingers, "Now he'd created his own personal meme."

And to think Doctor Mario would even DARE look at me as if he wields the powers...

"Yet you're the one with the short term memory," the doctor said, "After all, in the beginning of the story I told you guys I knew who the murderer was."

A black cloud had gathered above the Doctor. "What's this?" He trembled. The cloud grew bigger as it gave out a flash of lightning. "Oh don't tell me you're planning on striking me down just because I outsmarted you!"

The cloud grew towards a tremendous size as the lightning flashed around him in its threatening manner.

"Go on! I'm not afraid of you!"

Suddenly out of nowhere the doctor was transported to an abandoned city. The city laid across a cobblestone landscape colored in simple shades between ranges of a deep red and a strange shade of tan, which seemed to lay flesh unto the city itself. Upon certain spots of the pavement were the gloomy patches of brown. They were once red, until the blood had desiccated, leaving the stains to tell the stories of the attacks that had claimed the lives of so several unfortunate villagers. The homes were decrepit and faded to a dulling grey stone that would soon come to reflect the very mood of the frightened inhabitants. Since the attacks began, there was a looming dark cloud hovering directly above the town church that would not budge from the spot that it had chosen. Even the strongest winds would not blow away the murky shadow that had plummeted the city into the paranoia of a lingering satanic force.

"Wh-what is going on," He asked as the shadow grew larger. "Where the hell am I?"

The murderous creatures leered down at the frightened doctor as they gathered in great masses, swarming the entire village as the cloud grew larger, soon blotting out the sun and plunging the desecrated village into a coalesced clump of grey and red. "Seriously, this isn't funny!"

Doctor Mario turned to lay eyes on the murderous creatures. To call them either men or rats would be incorrect rather a mixture between the two. The body was that of a man's covered from head to toe by what appeared to be rat hair, however the eyes were large and would glow an illuminating yellow. No other facial features were present, save a pair of extended ears that were all pierced at the base with small golden rings that would sound almost pleasantly as they raced towards their victim. Before he could utter out a cry for help, the creatures had begun tearing him apart as his violent screams of agony transcended throughout the air, which was soon muffled by the magnitude of murderers.

…At least that's what will happen to Doctor Mario if he doesn't SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Suddenly the Doctor was back to the reality of the situation. He began to tremble. "O-o-okay, no ghost of Wolf…"

Thank you! Now kindly inform us of who the murderer was.

Doctor Mario shrugged and shot his finger towards Mr. Game and Watch, who happened to have been in the room the whole time.

"Me?" The 8-bit figure cried out. "B-but I'm not the murderer!"

"I KNEW IT!" Captain Falcon cried out. "I KNEW YOU COULDN'T TRUST HIM!"

"Why? Is it because I'm black?"

Ike placed a palm on his forehead. "Oh here we go with the whole 'you guys hate me 'cause I'm black' statements. Now the story's gonna get flagged for racism because EVERYBODY knows being black justifies everything."

Peach glanced over at Ike. "Umm Ike, you may want to stop while we still have readers."

"Oh sure, now that that was said, the author's suddenly a racist!" Ike flung his arms in the air. "Is it because he's white? Or because he's a Christian that lives in Texas?"

Zelda sighed. "Okay now you're blowing things out of proportion. Perhaps it's because Mr. Game and Watch is generally the murderer in these stories and the author's conforming."

The murky shadows leered over Zelda's head as the murderous rat creatures crawled out of the cracks of the cobblestone floors-

Zelda let out a shriek. "Okay, okay, I won't go there!"

That's better…

"It doesn't matter," Doctor Mario cried out, "He's the murderer!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Mr. Game and Watch waved his hands in front of him. "Seriously! I'm not the murderer! And you guys are racist!"

"How so?"

"DID YOU READ CHAPTER TWO?"

Wait a second…If I could get away with what I did in Chapter two, then maybe…

"Don't get any ideas," Captain Falcon said as he shook his fingers.

Then suddenly…

"Don't do it!" Captain Falcon began to raise his voice.

Marth ran into the room…

"I'M WARNING YOU!"

Marth stood up. "Hey guys! Guess what?"

The others looked at Marth.

"I'm gay!"

"Marth, you're gay in nearly every damn story in this section, what are you trying to accomplish?" Doctor Mario asked.

Zelda raised a perplexed eyebrow. "Wait a second, maybe the author isn't conforming…Maybe he's trying to transcend a message that just because he's from Texas doesn't mean he's the stereotypical redneck who's not racist nor is he homophobic. Maybe he believes that everybody is equal in the loving eyes of God and just because someone's gay doesn't mean they should be shunned nor-"

"DIE FAGGOT!"

Captain Falcon pulled out a gun and shot Marth in the head. Zelda gasped as the others slowly backed away from him. Doctor Mario scoffed. "Orrr he just wanted to turn a controversial subject like homosexuality into a cheap laugh…Way to go, loser, you just lost the respect of the whole fanfiction community."

Ignoring that…

"Hey, what about me?" Mr. Game and Watch asked.

"Oh yeah, HE'S THE MURDERER!" Doctor Mario cried out, "GET HIM!"

Before the 8-bit figure could turn to run for his life, he was swarmed by everyone in the room and brutally beaten to death. "Finally," Captain Falcon said as he looked up at the ceiling, "the chaos has finally ended."

"Not quite," Doctor Mario said as he began to snicker.

"Huh?"

The doctor burst into immense laughter. "I TRICKED YOU!"

"What do you mean?"

"Mr. Game and Watch wasn't the murderer!"

"WHAT!"

The doctor continued to laugh. Everybody glared at him. "But why did you tell us it was him?" Peach asked, only because she has no lines…Mostly because every time she speaks Captain Falcon beats the hell out of her…Oops.

Suddenly a barrage of fists plummet Peach in the face as she is slammed into the wall.

The doctor ignored it and answered the question. "Oh I only said that because I didn't like him."

Everybody raised their eyebrows and stared at the doctor in shock. "Then who's the murderer?" Ike asked.

The doctor pointed to Chad, who was ignoring everybody. When everyone's eyes landed on the shaded figure, he looked up. "Oh! How may I help you?"

"He's the murderer!"

"Umm…Duh?

Everyone gasped. "What do you mean, 'duh'?"

"Well everybody knows this is a fake persona, but what matters is who I REALLY am," Chad said as he pocketed his _Murdering for Dummies_ book.

The doctor gave Chad a sinister stare. "Oh but I know who you TRULY are…"

Chad gulped. "Y-you do?"

"Yep!" The doctor flashed him a deranged smile. Everybody averted their attention to the doctor.

"Then who am I?" Chad asked as a bead of sweat trickled down his face.

"You are none other than…"

Author: Ha! After all that time of making you guys wait and being lazy, I decided to withhold the story for one more chapter because I LOVE being a douchebag and-

"NO!" Doctor Mario screamed. "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HOLD THIS STORY ANY DAMN LONGER! AFTER YOUR RACIST JOKES, YOUR SEXIST JOKES, AND ALL THE RUDE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE TO LOSE EVERYBODY'S RESPECT YOU MIGHT AS WELL END THE DAMN THING RIGHT NOW!"

…I think he's mad because I had him viciously mauled by a pack of mutant rats…

"No, it's not that! Just tell us who the murderer is already!" Ike cried out.

Fine…The doctor gave out yet another sinister laugh as he shot his finger at Chad. "You're none other than TOON LINK!"

Everybody fell to the floor animated style as Chad jumped. "H-how did you know?"

Captain Falcon jumped up and growled. "Are you serious?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is it seriously Toon Link?" Zelda asked.

The doctor laughed. "Yyyup!"

"But why?"

The doctor shrugged. "Who cares? The story's screwed up as it is. For all we know he could be possessed by the ghost of Wolf. At the moment who ever is left reading this is probably feeling really stupid right now, considering everybody thought it was either Link or Snake. Hell one person thought I did it. I mean why would I kill ANYONE?"

Out of mere impulse Doctor Mario decided to kill Peach.

"Well," He said as he let out a sigh, "Looks like Kattheamazing wins the great deduction award."

Everybody who was left alive gave a round of applause.

Zelda began to snicker. "Well the story IS titled 'Link the Homicidal Maniac', guess it was referring to Toon Link."

"Yup, that silly, silly Toon Link," Captain Falcon said as he started laughing.

Toon Link took off his Chad costume and started laughing. "Yep, looks like you guys had me figured out. I guess I AM nuts, after all."

Everybody shared a great humble laugh as they enjoyed the ominous joke which flew through the room. "So now what?" Toon Link asked.

The laughter soon subsided and everybody turned towards Toon Link. Doctor Mario flashed an evil smile. "GET HIM!"

Author: Well I FINALLY finished this story which was on hold for nearly a year or two. I'm sorry I never got around towards finishing it, and I hope you guys aren't seriously mad at me for some of the jokes I've made.

I'm dead serious, I really don't mean to offend anybody, but in my defense I do want to say that if people get offended over some jokes cracked by a guy on the internet then perhaps they should rethink themselves. Now I understand some jokes are considered especially heinous but sometimes it's best to let go and perhaps laugh a little. If you didn't like it then it's fine, and you're more than welcome to flame the hell out of me for it because this website allows freedom to form your opinions and not everybody thinks some of this stuff is funny. There are sensitive people in this world and I want nothing more than to respect people's opinions but I also want to enjoy myself while I write my stories.

Again, If I offended anybody, I'm terribly sorry and this apology is definitely sincere.

To those who understand/ accept my apologies, thank you.

- 


End file.
